With the holidays upon us it gives a chance to almost disregard all the bad both in the world and our lives, and take the time to cherish all the good within everything. No matter what may have happened recently, or even years ago, the moment right now is probably leagues better than those events, but they also would not be possible without them. No one has a spotless past, and even if you did, that's a spot in and of itself. You can't clearly comprehend a good thing without a comparison to a bad one, so even though it may feel horrible, we need them to grow as people, and to increase our appreciation and sensitivity to the good in our lives. It of course is a paradox because, while you should never hold onto the past, as far as not moving on, you should never forget it, letting it positively influence the future. Somehow, even the worst things can have a positive effect in some way, if we open ourselves to that possibility.
I remember going through a deep depression in college that really crippled me, both physically and socially, and I felt like I couldn't shake that feeling off at all. Now that I look back at it, I found out a lot about myself that I either didn't want to or was afraid to accept. As bad as I feel thinking about it even now, I have great appreciation for those days because it strengthened my character, many of my friendships along the way, and of course my music (I don't intend or encourage insensitivity to people's experiences, but rather the exact opposite). No matter how bad things get, we can change our narrative and use them to enhance and better our future. Why hold onto the negativity? Why let it keep you stuck in sadness and limitation? There can be no release without tension, and more often, the tension is so comfortable to us that we hold onto it and suspend it over our lives. We have to let go and release it, and then appreciate it for the opportunity it created, whether it was through painful or painless methods. Don't disregard the past, but let it propel you forward towards a better future.
Happy holidays to everyone! May there be many happy days ahead and even more easy reasons to smile.
Yes, it's really scary. Yes, you get nervous. Yes, you worry about the worst case scenario. Even with all of that, you have to go for it. Let's forget music for a second and think about how we deal with this in life. Honestly, I'm usually a very shy and introverted person, but when I'm with someone I know I open up immediately. I'm not advocating just going out and befriending or trusting everyone, but at some level, if you are completely shut off from people, physically, socially, etc., nothing new can come of your interactions; sometimes they never take place! I think the main reason for these feelings of uncertainty and hesitation in our lives is the perception of stakes or risks.
When you have a long time friend, maybe after a while, you might start feeling those butterflies in your stomach. I know that's happened to me a couple of times, and I immediately got nervous because I don't want to jeopardize the friendship in any way; so I hesitated. Or when you were a child in elementary school and wanted to make friends, but you might've worried that they wouldn't accept or like you. Even as adults we experience that, but as nervous as we may get, if we give into that feeling we deny ourselves the opportunities that arise, then nothing gets done, nothing progresses, and you never know what could've been. Of course things are "on the line," but our view of it really is not as high stakes as we make it out to be.
I've accepted the fact that rejection is an option, and if it does happen, it's better than not knowing at all. The good thing about real friends is that they're honest and obviously care about you, so they won't be trying to hurt you. Honestly, when I did go for it, it felt like I was in an audition again and thought, "I hope I don't mess up, I hope they like me, I hope I get my points across," but If I never tried, they wouldn't have known and I wouldn't have known. You have to get out of that comfort zone and allow yourself to both be you and to let them see you! If they don't see what you can do and who you are as a person/musician, they won't have the motivation to advance/hire you, or to date you. So yeah, it's really scary to put yourself out there, but it's very necessary in our lives.
It's nice to start small with this and to take baby steps towards opening up and going for things, and it makes it easier in the practice room when you practice this in your life. Ask a person out, do something you've wanted to do for years, talk to a close friend about things you're passionate about or things you really can't stand, anything that you think has risks. Know that it's not the end of the world, even though it often feels like it, if you get rejected or if it doesn't pan out the way you wanted. It's better that it happen now than later, and it opens up new opportunities for the future either way. If it doesn't work out now, there's always next time. You'll have another chance at an audition, a date, a relationship, a job, an interview, achieving a goal, etc. We obviously want things to work out, but we have to be ok with the chance that it might not. So go for it now and don't let fear or uncertainty stop you from acting on your feelings, dreams or desires in life (or in the audition).
To those who watch and listen,
To those who cannot hear and cannot see,
To those who can feel the tangible vibrations of sound and movement in air and the intangible emotions of the heart and soul,
To the audience of my performance, solo or otherwise,
I give you my soul.
Hear it dance lightly in my triangle, or come marching in my snare drum.
See it in my hands as they glide, painting pictures in blank space.
Feel it in the vibrations of my bass drum roll,
But feel it sing through any and every sound, instrument and motion.
Through any of these medium, find my soul and take it as your own,
And find yourself in its image.
Break it to pieces with sadness, put it together with love,
Kill it with hatred and bring it to life with empathy,
Tear it apart with heartbreak, and mend it with tranquility,
Take mine and see that it's ok, it's perfectly fine.
It's ok for you to feel, for you to go through these aches, for you to feel these joys.
You won't be alone, because I'm also there, we all are, yielding to all the feels.
To the audience, let our performance give you an inlet to plug your soul into,
an outlet to release all of your emotions, and an energy source to fuel your being.
Let us go through together and come out more realized, more open, more available,
Understanding what can't be comprehended and grasping the intangible.
Welcome to my world, I'm always here, dying and resurrecting with every stroke.
It hurts, it's painful, it's unbearable, it aches, I cry often, I die even more so,
But through it all, it gives me the greatest pleasure, to suffer in the practice room,
To ache in my studies, and to die on stage, forever the drummer, but eternally the musician.
About these Posts
Just some thoughts about how We, ourselves, are our best source of information and how we can become more aware of our thoughts.